Dear Neighbor,
Donald Trump is back in the White House and making deals everywhere. So, let’s talk about the Art of the Deal, but not Donald’s: After online investigation and asking my politically savvy friends, representatives on both sides of the aisle, I still have no idea what his grand design is and neither do they.
Instead, let’s talk about my mother’s dealmaking strategy, which I learned when I was eight years old and have adhered to since.
My mother’s Aunt Grace died when I was in the third grade. She had no children, and Mom was named executrix of Grace’s and her deceased husband’s estate.
I didn’t know Aunt Grace well, as she and her husband whose name I can’t remember spent their time traveling like jet-setters, only by train. They had a beautiful house in St. Paul filled with mementos of their many junkets.
Shortly after the funeral, my mother and I drove to the house, as she said, “to deal with things.” I came to realize that Mom wanted my company but not my skirt-tugging companionship: She had hard work to do.
As she surveyed the scene, Mom said, “Dorothy, go look around; you can have anything you want.” Aren’t those words everyone loves to hear? And I embarked on a most delightful scavenger hunt.
But as intriguing an offer as it was, I quickly discovered there wasn’t much a rising fourth-grader would want: fancy dishes, fancy silver, fancy furniture, fancy paintings and tchotchkes.
Fancy, fancy everywhere, but not a drop of fun: “old people things.” Still, it was an exciting adventure during which I learned more about Aunt Grace dead than alive, and I came away successfully with a porcelain-head doll which I treasured for years. I then settled in and watched Saturday morning cartoons while my mother continued to deal with things.
“Deal” being the operative word here, I was just beginning to understand my mother’s brilliant art of it. After a few hours, Mom said it was time to leave. What she didn’t say was that she was fried and overwhelmed, but it was all over her face.
We got in the car, the backseat loaded with everything she wanted, and started the hour-long drive back to Northfield.
Chatty Dorothy began pummeling her with questions, none of which she was having. “Dorothy, I need to think. You can listen to any radio station you want if you’re quiet.” Okay! On came WDGY — The Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, The Mindbenders, Paul Revere and the Raiders — I was in heaven and Mom was deep in thought.
As we pulled into the driveway, Mom looked at me and said “I’ve got it!” “What?” I asked. She said she’d tell me later — “Right now I have calls to make; do whatever you want.”
What I wanted to do was eavesdrop, and I’m so glad I did. She picked up the phone and began dialing all her friends. Each one got the same proposal: “I’ve inherited a house filled with nice things that need to go. I’ve taken everything I want and there’s tons more. If you come up next Saturday and help me clean out the house, you can have anything you want.” She added that husbands were welcome to have at the garage and basement workshop.
The following Saturday I rode up with my mother. By 9:00 there was a caravan of cars and trucks lining the front of Aunt Grace’s house. At noon Mom got Chinese food for the crowd, and by 3:00 the house was empty, sparkling, and realtor-ready. So hard as we all worked (I was the designated “haul girl”), the whole day had a party atmosphere. Everyone went home well fed and happy, with dueling thank-yous all around. Mom and I drove home, chatting the whole way.
I don’t know if I’ll ever understand Donald Trump’s procedural, but I know well my mother’s: When you need something, create a situation where each party leaves feeling that he or she got the better part of the deal and is happy for participating. No one gets stiffed or exploited or feels used, and the ground is laid for future, mutual benefit.
Giving and getting in all of life should balance out. Whether you’re cleaning out a house or running a country, be fair to the other players. Sometimes compensation is money, sometimes goods; often sincere thanks and show of gratitude are all that’s needed to seal the deal.
A good deal benefits all involved and strengthens the relationship. Who doesn’t want that?
— Dorothy
